I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
