But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
