butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize