Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
