yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
false alarm, still single
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
