Ambien. No doubt about it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Actions speak louder than pants.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
