if you like me you must not know who I am
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
