I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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