My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
