then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
