Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
