I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
