its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
