Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
