i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
