You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
