Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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