Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
