i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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