that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
