I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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