she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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