Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
