I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
