I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
