You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
