you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
