Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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