I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
