I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
