The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize