We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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