i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
