Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
50% drunk capacity currently
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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