My Higher Power is John Stamos
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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