he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
