I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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