This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
