i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
