Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you win again, gameday.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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