I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize