I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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