i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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