can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
