Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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