i think i have two assholes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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