hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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