I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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