Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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