Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
