Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
