Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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