she was so not down for the gang bang
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
