I cannot find my penis.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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