His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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