sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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