oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i now understand why vodka
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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