Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
