she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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