had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need water and some morals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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