when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
