Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
