im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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