I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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