even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
