it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
