dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
