Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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