it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
