I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
